Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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