I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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