i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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