OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize