when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
