so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
