Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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