No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
