Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
