Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
