hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
