Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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