and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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