I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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