I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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