I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
