Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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