it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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