what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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