I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
