it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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