JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
