Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
