his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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