A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
