# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
