So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
