some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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