we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize