is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
