my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
