sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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