i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
