Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
