If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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