This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
