meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
