does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
