What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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