I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
