moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
