bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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