I want to make a zoo with you.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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