Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
