Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
