dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
