was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize