so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
