A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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