I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize