i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
