a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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