arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
