IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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