How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Still dying that you shit outside
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
