drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
