I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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