Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
