ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
