Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
