I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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