Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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