Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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