operation harelip BJ is a go
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
