I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
