I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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