i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
