This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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