Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
