when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
