I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
