just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
