wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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