I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
