Im at strip club and am horny
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize