Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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