i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
